What do these things have in common?

Rake leaves, watch the Notebook twice, learn how to drive a stick shift, churn butter, wash my car, wash your car, eat a handful of crickets (dead or alive), go to a Nickelback concert, lick a plate of ketchup, go salsa dancing, babysit John and Kate's kids, clean up vomit, listen to a Lil Wayne cd, watch the entire first season of Barney and Friends, smash my thumb in a car door, dive head first into a vat of mayonase, wear a Washington Redskins shirt at a Cowboys game, give birth to a panda, eat kitty cat soup, live in West Virginia. Ok thats enough.

What do all of these things have in common?

All things I'd rather do than watch the World Series.

A New Way to Valet

Sorry its been so long, I forgot my password.

I don't know about all of you, but one thing I have sworn I'll never make a habit of (no matter how much money I have) is valet parking. I can tie my own shoes, brush my own teeth and park my own automobile. So keep that in mind while reading this next little story.

I went to see my cousin Steve's band "Red Hour"http://www.myspace.com/redhourmusic play the other night (plug). It was in a club; nothing too crazy and certainly nothing fancy. So before his band goes on, I'm chatting with Steve and if any of you know me, you realize that at some point my walnut size bladder is going to get antsy and I'll need to use the restroom. I excuse myself from the conversation and Steve says something like "watch out, they have attendants in there". Awesome.

Bathroom attendant has got to be down there with accountant for worst job on the planet. These guys wait for you to enter the restroom, unzip your pants (potential exaggeration), wait for you to finish, flush for you (another potential exaggeration), turn on the sink, squirt soap in your hands, give you a towel and expect a tip. The guy this night even dusted off my back with what appeared to be a feather duster (not an exaggeration).

You really cant avoid this. Unless you go outside behind the tree, there is no other place to go. So here I am forced to partake in this ritual that haunts me every time I think about using the restroom. It didn't dawn on me until the other night that this was the exactly the same way I feel when I think I might be forced to valet park. And it was in this moment that I coined what I think is a brand new term that I will use in a sentence for you.

"Man, I hate going to that restaurant, they make you valet pee." Urban dictionary here I come.

Sounded a little funnier in my head, but I'm too lazy to think of something else to write about.