What does burboun chicken have in common with Salt N Peppa?

I am up to 7 followers now - watch out Ashton Kutcher.

I went to the mall tonight for a minute, JoLee wanted to check on a shirt at Urban Outfitters. One thing I noticed while I was there is that all of the 9 styles of Obama t-shirts are half off now. Only 7 months into your first term and retail is already bailing on you dude! There should be a daily indicator on CNN that measures the profit margin of Obama merchandise. Now there is a true indication of his popularity. "The profit margin on Obama merchandise fell drastically today as he waited yet another day to make a statement on the situation in Iran"

Anyway, on to the real purpose of this - Chicken Pushers.

Chicken Pushers you ask?

Yes - Chicken Pushers. Those overly aggressive and typically Asian folk who work at one of the 4 identical Chinese food places in the mall. The ones who try to "push" a poultry laced toothpick down your throat every time you walk by.

Are these people on commission? Do they get a cut out of each 3.99 chicken special they sell? Do they not realize that the phrase "Try sample" isn't grammatically correct?

Ok. Ok. Maybe I am being a little harsh; they ARE just doing their jobs. But here is where I draw the line.......

Why would anyone (poultry commission check or not) offer me a chicken sample when I am carrying a Subway bag? I have clearly already made my dining decision and its HIGHLY unlikely that I am going to be swayed at this point to return a sandwich.

My suggestion to the chicken pushers around the world: Keep on pushing, sell that chicken, make your commission, but just do a better job of identifying your target audience. You don't sell ipods to people who already have ipods, you don't sell flip flops to an Eskimo and you don't sell bourbon chicken to a dude with a Subway sack.

Salt N Peppa take it home.....

Remembering MJ - sorta

You guys ever think that no matter what you do - its never good enough?

I dont. That would suck. I think I am pretty much awesome at everything. haha jk. I have been pretty bad at blogging "everyday" like I said. But I mean who can do something EVERY day -blogging, working out, brushing your teeth - pssht impossible.

Anyway, I am going to try to get back on the daily track. I wanted to write about the Confederations Cup final over the weekend but I left my notes at work. So instead I am going to talk about Michael Jackson.

Yeah Yeah - I know everyone is tired of hearing about him but give me a few paragraphs before you go back to watching TMZ (where youll probably hear about MJ anyway).

Alot has been said the last few days about the two ways MJ will be remembered.

1) A musical icon who has and will continue to influence many artists

2) A freak show accused child molestor whos face you could dip a frito in

On example of this debate took place at a church in South Atlanta. Reverend Al Sharpton was speaking to the congregation about how the media has labeled MJ as a freak, molestor, yadda yadda. Ok. First off, why is this being discussed at church? There is no 2nd point I want to make here so Ill make the first one again. Really Michael Jackson at church?

Anyway, as long as I have been aware of MJ - he has been a joke. My first taste of him was when I heard "Fat" by Weird Al. Great song by the way - same album as "My Bologna" (My Sharona) and "The White Stuff" (NKOTB - The Right Stuff). Thanks to Tyson for introducing me to that cd. I'm not sure when I actually realized just how big MJ was - maybe when I saw the video for "Black or White" or when I saw him perform at halftime of one of the Cowboys superbowl victories (remember when the Bills lost 4 superbowls in a row? haha Thurman Thomas).

Anyway, to me and I'm sure to a lot of people my age, MJ was always just an artist that people made fun of and didnt take seriously. I think people 10 years older than me really truly understood what an icon this guy was and just how influential he has been.

It wasnt until I watched alot of the coverage over the weekend that I really started to get a feel for what those previous generations saw. It made wonder who else in my life (celebrity or not) am I over looking right now?Who did I ignore today that might not be there tomorrow? This is kind of skewed from what I usually write about but I think the thought process I went through with MJ over the weekend in some weird twisted way made me stop and think about those important people in my life that I might taking for granted or not appreciating like I should.

I suggest you all do the same because last week at this time MJ was just some freakazoid that everyone made fun of and now he is gone and will be known as the most influential R&B artist of all time. You never know who you looked over today that might not be there next week.

Wow - that was a downer wasnt it? Sorry about that. To cheer you up here is a video. I used to play this song on repeat when I closed down the store at Express. I'm pretty sure people hated me for a few weeks and someday I'll be gone and theyll miss this song.

Random Facts - Repost

I have work to do tonight so no original thoughts. Maybe some of you havent seen this.

1. JoLee didn’t want me to do this.

2. I want a sleeve tattoo.

3. Sometimes I get the urge to punch old people in the back of the head.

4. I feel very blessed to have had the opportunity to get an MBA – but sometimes I feel like it has hampered my ability to think creatively.

5. I think the TV show Intervention is a perfect example of the law of diminishing marginal utility. Watching people ruin their lives with drugs is only interesting the first season.

6. I miss my family and want to move back to Texas someday.

7. I genuinely think I am a good rapper.

8. When its time for me to have kids I want to name my boy Jack.

9. I know how lucky I am to be with JoLee.

10. Cheaters is one of the greatest television show concepts of all time – whether it’s fake or not.

11. Sometimes I think I’m fat.

12. I have never actually been satisfied with my hair for more than a few days.

13. I think I can run as fast now as I used to.

14. I don’t shower everyday and I don’t think there is anything wrong with it.

15. I think MTV is the cause of everything wrong with the world. But I still watch it sometimes.

16. I hate monopoly. Nothing should take 9 hours.

17. Jesus Christ is my lord and savior.

18. I hope someday I can read all of the books I buy.

19. I like to talk about naming pets after humans – right now my favorites are Kevin and Sharon. But I don’t like the thought of actually having pets.

20. I was never able to use a Slip N Slide because my pelvic bones stick out funny.

21. I don’t drink. Not because I think its bad or because I’m not supposed to but because I think alcohol tastes like Windex.

22. I plan on wearing Converse to my funeral. I dare you to name a clothing brand that has had a longer significance in pop culture than Converse.

23. If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it.

24. I think the space program is a gigantic waste of money.

25. My dream job is to be the backup punter on an NFL team.

Rationale for Anorexia

Wow it has been a while since I posted on here. So much for the whole "I'm going to post everyday" theory. Delusions of grandeur I'm sure.

Anyways - part of the reason I haven't posted in a while is probably because I have been ASLEEP. Why have I been so tired lately? Working long hours? - maybe. Working out a lot? - doubtful. Attempting to eradicate an addictive and deadly (exaggeration) chemical from my body? Absolutely.

To all of you who just gasped at the thought that I (Jonathan McAdams) could have an addiction, its time I came clean. I am (was) a heroin addict. You didn't think I was this thin naturally did you?

I started injecting back when I was in college. My addiction slowly built until I was spending nearly $300 dollars a day...

Ok not really.

I don't mean to mock addiction, its a serious matter that ruins thousands of lives. The thing I was addicted to was caffeine. For years I had been drinking 2 or 3 sodas per day. Not only is this bad for my health but it can also be massively expensive. Coke didn't become one of the world's largest corporations ($32B in revenue 2009) through its Dasani flavored water sales.

I had tried to get off the "juice" many times but always fell back into the arms of the sweet nectar. But this time I really think I'm going to beat this thing! Its been right about 3 weeks and aside from a Sprite at the movies I have been doing pretty good. In honor of my 3 week anniversary I am going to do a quick financial analysis of the savings I will see by cutting out the sodas.

Lets assume my daily consumption rate was 2.5 sodas. Some days I only had 1 and others times I went bonkers (remember that candy from when we were kids?) and had 5. That would make my weekly intake 17.5 units.

Now lets look at cost per unit - out of the 17.5 cokes per week I would say that about half were purchased at a restaurant or out of a vending machine. I'd say the average cost there is $2.00.

The other half would be purchased at the store in a 12 pack - around .33 cents each.

This makes my average $1.17 per soda or $20.50 per week.

$82.00 per month

$1066 per year - for the sake of argument lets say $1,000

I'm 28 now - assuming I live another 50 years I will save $50K just by not drinking soda!!! Amazing - thats like 3 Kias!

So what does all of this have to do with anorexia?

Imagine how much money you could save if you stopped eating all together. I'll let you know how that works out.

Smellevator

Hey.

Quick story before I get into the actual meat (soy meat - if you are a vegan) of my post today. I work in a large building and using the elevator is a daily routine.

You know sometimes when you get on an elevator and there is an unusual smell of some sort? Could be perfume, poop, an Indian guy smell, popcorn, burned cheese, armpit - the list could go on and on. Anyway, I got into an empty elevator today that smelled like a mix between Charles Barkely's feet and a 9 month old banana. Two floors later, the elevator stops and a lady gets on. About 10 seconds later after her nose adjusts she looks at me and gives me a look that said "shame on you, you smelly rotten banana smuggling child". SHE THOUGHT IT IT WAS ME!!! I wonder how many times a day this scenario happens?

Whatever, she smelled like my grandma anyway.

I'll do the other one tomorrow I guess.

I Dont Eat Lunch to Polish my Math Skills

Let me describe for you what has become a far too common situation.

The scene: Any fine dining establishment (doesnt really have to be "fine", I just like saying that)

The cast: A group of friends (5 or more) enjoying a meal and fellowship.

Now that you get a general feel for atmosphere I will move right on to the problem.

WHY DOESNT THE WAITER AUTOMATICALLY SPLIT THE FREAKIN CHECK???

If any of you are waiters or have been waiters please chime in here and put me in my place if I'm wrong but below is a list of reasons why the waiter should automatically split the check.

• YOU are serving ME. Why put a bad taste in my mouth right before I'm about to decide how much to tip you?



• It should be part of the service. If I wanted to do a restaurant related word problem I would go back to 2nd grade.



• People cant add. No matter how smart the 9 people at the table are, for whatever reason when forced to split the check on our own - we turn into 7 year olds who havent mastered simple addition.



• When people cant add - 1 of 2 things happens.

1) Somehow the advanced mathematicians that I mentioned above forget to add the tax in when separating the items and some poor shmuck at the end of the table gets stuck with an extra $50

2) The waiter gets screwed. Ive seen it happen plenty of times. The frustrated crowd rebels against the oppressive, no check splitting waiter by not leaving a tip.

Oh - and dont give me some sob story about "our computers wont do that". Computer programs allow people to navigate space, build skyscrapers and diagnose diseases. I'm pretty sure your computer can figure out how to correctly allocate my orange juice.

High School Reunion!

I said "Reunion" not "Musical" if you are looking for Zack Effron this isnt the place. Ok fine it is the place.

Anyway.

The fact that my 10 year high school reunion is this weekend got me thinking (more on that in a minute).

No, I am not going to my 10 year reunion. I thought about going, I really did. The one "You really should go" reason was the fact that I didnt want to look back and wish I had gone. Ultimately though, most of my close friends (all 3 of them - yes I was really popular) werent going and while it would be interesting to see everyone; Facebook and Myspace have ruined the "I cant believe how fat so and so has gotten" and "Wow, she hasnt aged a bit" surprises that 10 year reunions have historically been known for. No longer can I rent a Ferrari, pretend to have invented post-its and fool people into thinking I am someone Im not. My info is posted all over multiple social networking sites. Everyone knows what they want to know about me - if they want to know anything at all.

Sidenote: Though I am not going - I want to give mega-props to the three ladies who planned ours. They did a fantastic job of communicating and giving everyone enough time to plan. (Did I just say mega-props? I think thats a character from the new Transformers movie)

I dont mean to dissuade anyone from going to their own reunions - but I do encourage you to count the number of times a conversation with someone goes like this:

You: Hey there Sandy.

Sandy: Oh hey!

You: So what have you been up to?

Sandy: Oh Ive just been working (insert inflated description of what she really does here). What about you?

You: Well - I'm married and have (however many) kids.

Sandy: Oh wow thats great. Hey remember (Insert memory of some class you had together here)

You: Yeah - that was great.

You and Sandy simultaneously: Well it was great to see you. (Fake side hug)

In all seriousness - you know you dont care about Sandy and I'm sure the feeling is mutual.

This was supposed to be a post about music - but I can do that later.

What the truck?

Some of you may know this about me but many may not. I am an equal opportunity feedback giver. What does that mean?

Mainly it means that I tend to give positive feedback just as much as I tend to give negative feedback. For example: You know on the back of trucks where it says "Safety is my goal - please call 1-888-safe-now" or whatever?

I often times call those numbers to report good drivers. Some people think thats weird but I think its easy to call the number when someone cuts you off.

Anyway - I was following a truck home from work today for about 3 miles. It was driving the speed limit, stopping at all lights and stop signs and I thought he deserved some positive feedback!

But as soon as I was on the phone with the operator the truck ran a redlight. "Uhh..nevermind" I said.

Can I get my cell phone minutes back?

The Great Cereal Box Debate (repost)

Couldnt think of anything good today and I am sleepy so I'm reposting one of my favorites from a while back. My friend Chad asked me to figure out the best way to open a cereal box. The very scientific results are below.

Recently I was asked to do some research and determine which method was best for opening a cereal bag. (Just for clarification, I am talking about the bag inside the box--not the giant bag that sits on the bottom shelf feeling lonely).

So my options were as follows:
1) Open the entire bag for "maximum flow"
2) Open only a corner of the bag for "increased flow control"

Suddenly it sounds like I am blogging about Maxipads.

Anyway. I did some research IE: playing with cereal for about 10 minutes.

Ok. So I obtained a box of cereal (flake variety) and began with the "one corner technique". Here is a brief cost benefit analysis on this method.

Benefits:
1) As previously mentioned, cereal flow was under control, my aim remained steady and I was able to adequately pour the desired amount into my bowl.
2) I was able to successfully close the bag with a neat fold and had no worries about the cereal being stale the next time I wanted some.
Costs:
1) Compared to the "wide open" method, this approach did in fact take more time. I estimate this time to be approximately 3 seconds per bowl. 3 seconds is no big deal you say? Well, assuming an average person eats 1 bowl of cereal 4 out of 7 days (this is a modest estimate I think) this person would lose 12 seconds per week. No big deal you say? Well over an average cereal eating lifetime-- age 8 to 77-- (I assume that under the age of 8 someone else is pouring the cereal and 77 is a fairly universally used life expectancy) a cereal eater could waste nearly 12 hours of his/her life pouring cereal. Seriously, I did the math twice. Thats alot of pouring.

Ok now for the "Let it fly bag wide open method"
Benefits:
1) As I mentioned above, this method is much quicker and could save you alot of time over your life.
2) I found it much easier to open the entire bag vs just the corner.

Costs:
1) While this method did allow me to fill my bowl quicker, I did lose a few flakes onto the counter while doing so. In each trial between 5 and 7 flakes found thier way out of the edible realm. Again using the same assumptions, this calculates out to losing between 20 and 28 flakes per week. Over the same predefined cereal pouring span, this equates to 71,760 to 100,464 flakes. What does that mean? Well I counted a serving of cereal and based on my calculations each box contains around 2000 flakes. If this estimate is accurate, by using the "all the way open" method. You would waste 35 to 50 boxes of cereal over your lifetime.

Ok, so you've seen the numbers and to me this argument comes down to what is more important -- time or money. Usually, I think time is more important but in this case I have to chose the "one corner" method simply based on the fact that excluding inflation the open mouth version would cost me between $140 and $200 over the course of my life. This could be in a 401k or something.

Please keep in mind that my experiment was done with flake cereal, O style cereal with marshmallows or whatever may have different numerical results but I assume the overall theme would carry over.

So in conclusion, in my opinion, the more frugal method that enables increased flow control is better over the long run. If you are in such a big hurry when pouring cereal that you cant spare 3 seconds you need to wake up earlier.

Converse-ation

Take a look at the pictures above what do they all have in common? (no its not people I wish I could be when I grow up) Its all about the shoes.

Personally have 4 pair of Converse (some call them Chucks, I call them Converse"). To me there is really no question as to what shoes to wear. They have become the staple to pretty much everything I wear (except my work clothes - cant quite get away with that yet).

The other day I was trying to think about whether or not there has EVER been an article of clothing that has been relevant in pop culture as long as the "Chuck". So I did some research and found out that since the first pair was made in 1917 (I didnt even know shoes were invented at that point) that the Converse is the most popular shoe of all time with over 750 million pair sold.

This leads me answer of my question above: No - there has never been an article of clothing that has lasted as long or made as big of an impact as the "Chuck". Now I could go on and bore you with statistics and the history of the shoe but instead I challenge you to think of something I didnt consider.

What else can be put into this category? (dont say underwear)