What do these things have in common?

Rake leaves, watch the Notebook twice, learn how to drive a stick shift, churn butter, wash my car, wash your car, eat a handful of crickets (dead or alive), go to a Nickelback concert, lick a plate of ketchup, go salsa dancing, babysit John and Kate's kids, clean up vomit, listen to a Lil Wayne cd, watch the entire first season of Barney and Friends, smash my thumb in a car door, dive head first into a vat of mayonase, wear a Washington Redskins shirt at a Cowboys game, give birth to a panda, eat kitty cat soup, live in West Virginia. Ok thats enough.

What do all of these things have in common?

All things I'd rather do than watch the World Series.

A New Way to Valet

Sorry its been so long, I forgot my password.

I don't know about all of you, but one thing I have sworn I'll never make a habit of (no matter how much money I have) is valet parking. I can tie my own shoes, brush my own teeth and park my own automobile. So keep that in mind while reading this next little story.

I went to see my cousin Steve's band "Red Hour"http://www.myspace.com/redhourmusic play the other night (plug). It was in a club; nothing too crazy and certainly nothing fancy. So before his band goes on, I'm chatting with Steve and if any of you know me, you realize that at some point my walnut size bladder is going to get antsy and I'll need to use the restroom. I excuse myself from the conversation and Steve says something like "watch out, they have attendants in there". Awesome.

Bathroom attendant has got to be down there with accountant for worst job on the planet. These guys wait for you to enter the restroom, unzip your pants (potential exaggeration), wait for you to finish, flush for you (another potential exaggeration), turn on the sink, squirt soap in your hands, give you a towel and expect a tip. The guy this night even dusted off my back with what appeared to be a feather duster (not an exaggeration).

You really cant avoid this. Unless you go outside behind the tree, there is no other place to go. So here I am forced to partake in this ritual that haunts me every time I think about using the restroom. It didn't dawn on me until the other night that this was the exactly the same way I feel when I think I might be forced to valet park. And it was in this moment that I coined what I think is a brand new term that I will use in a sentence for you.

"Man, I hate going to that restaurant, they make you valet pee." Urban dictionary here I come.

Sounded a little funnier in my head, but I'm too lazy to think of something else to write about.

Dallas Cowboys Preview

So I've heard a lot the last two days about how Tony Romo dumped Jessica on the day before her birthday. Why would he do this everyone asks? The answer is simple...he JUST NOW realized that she used to date a member of 98 degrees. That's like dating a girl that used to date one of the guys from Hanson. I mean who would do that?...oh...wait...crap...uhhhh....

Anyway, this is a good lead in to thinking about the fast approaching NFL season. I have always been a pretty big Cowboys fan, though I do admit to skipping a few years in the Quincy Carter era. I was as obnoxious last year as anyone - I could have swore up and down that they were going to win the SuperBowl before the season even started.

This year I am going to take a more realistic approach at how we (yes I am on the team) may fair.

Offensively I think the Cowboys are still in the top tier. Roy Williams will be much improved this season and if he and Romo can get on the same page I predict success. If Jason Garrett uses the three running backs as he should and the offensive line protects like it did 2 years ago we shouldn't have any problems putting up 28+ points per game. I'm pretty interested to see how Garrett uses all 3 backs. Personally - I think Tashard Choice might just be the best of the three in terms of all around talent.

Defensively we have made some changes but the man who lead the league in sacks last year (Demarcus Ware) is back and as beastly as ever. The secondary should be improved with the purging of Roy Williams and Anthony Henry (possibly the two slowest defensive backs ever). I think the young defense will still struggle at time but should be fairly solid.

Below is the Cowboys schedule and my corresponding predictions. Maybe I am a little TOO optimistic but I have them splitting games with the Giants, Eagles and Skins. The Atlanta, Carolina and New Orleans games could go either way but I think they will take 2 of the 3 . All of this leads to a 11-5 record for the year. Seems feasible to me.

DATE	OPPONENT (TV BROADCAST)	TIME	Prediction
Sun, Sept 13	@ Tampa Bay (FOX)	Noon	W
Sun, Sept 20	NEW YORK GIANTS (NBC)	7:15 PM	L
Mon, Sept 28	CAROLINA (ESPN)	7:30 PM	W
Sun, Oct 4	@ Denver (FOX)	3:15 PM	W
Sun, Oct 11	@ Kansas City (FOX)	Noon	W
Sun, Oct 18	BYE
Sun, Oct 25	ATLANTA (FOX)	3:15 PM	W
Sun, Nov 1	SEATTLE (FOX)	NOON	W
Sun, Nov 8	@ Philadelphia (NBC)	7:15 PM	L
Sun, Nov 15	@ Green Bay (FOX)	3:15 PM	W
Sun, Nov 22	WASHINGTON (FOX)	NOON	W
Thurs, Nov 26	OAKLAND (CBS)	3:15 PM	W
Sun, Dec 6	@ New York Giants (FOX)	3:15 PM	W
Sun, Dec 13	SAN DIEGO (CBS)	3:15 PM	L
Sat, Dec 19	@ New Orleans (NFLN)	7:15 PM	L
Sun, Dec 27	@ Washington (NBC)	7:15 PM	L
Sun, Jan 3	PHILADELPHIA (FOX)	NOON	W

Advances in Technology

I was asked this question yesterday "Why don't you know how to drive a stick shift?"

Valid question I guess.

Here was my answer:

"Hmm, maybe the same reason I dont churn my own butter, sew my own clothing or slaughter my own meat....because I dont have to."

Thanks technology.

TechnoloGees = Gangsters with computers

Dont point your finger until you check your lap

Ok so this is my first ever mobile blog...so if it looks funny or something, that's why.

Jolee and I are on our way to TN to go with her sister to a bridal expo...well, I will probably do something else, anything else, maybe even go to jail for a while.

Anyway - we stopped at Target to get some waters for the trip and I also picked up a package of everyones favorite candy coated peanut butter morsels (Reeses Pieces). When I got back into the car I passed out the waters and realized my candy WAS NOT IN THE BAG! I was ticked - saying things like "how dumb do you have to be to forget to put one of three items into my bag?" and "I'm totally suing Target for this". Ok maybe I didn't say the second one.

Totally craving Reeses the whole trip totally ruined the ride for me...until we stopped to get gas. I got out to fill Jolee's tank and what is in my seat? Yeah I was sitting on my candy the whole time. My backside was laughing at me for an hour while it enjoyed the peanut buttery goodness my mouth was pouting about.

Sorry Target lady for thinking you sucked.

Possibly the greatest idea ever...maybe...no probably not

Squeez Bacon!

Easy Cheese and Squeeze Bacon biscuit! Talk about a breakfast.

The possibilities are endless.

http://www.thinkgeek.com/stuff/41/squeez-bacon.html?cpg=cj

Strange Solicitation

Ahh man its late and I would probably be better off sleeping than doing this. But....something interesting happened to me this evening and I want to document it before I forget.

I was driving down Peachtree Street on my way to my Wednesday evening Bible study when I hear a car honking. I wasn't sure if these honks were directed toward me but I looked anyway. To the left of me I see a man and a woman in a mid 90s white minivan. The man is trying to talk to me - generally speaking this cant be good.

Because my window was already down I decided to see what he wanted. Keep in mind this dialogue happened while driving 40 mph

Me: Yeah

Guy: Are you interested in getting any body work done on your car?

Me: What?

Guy: You know - scratches - I can fix those scratches on your car

Me: No - thank you.

Ok - I have heard of ALOT of goofy business ideas but this one has to take the cake. Driving around in your old school minivan (THAT NEEDS BODY WORK OF ITS OWN!!!) and soliciting customers can not be a profitable business. I'm sure this business model is about as profitable the company that put out the DVD rewinder.

What would he have done if I said "Oh yeah sure sounds good"? Would he have motioned for me to pull over into the Kroger parking lot so he could pull out his ball peen hammer and go to work on the Grandest?

Which brings me to another point - my car is NOT that beat up and if I was concerned about the 10 years worth of minor shopping cart dings I certainly wouldnt have it fixed on the fly by Miguel's Mobile Minivan Repair Shop.

Anybody want 2 cds?

To see dees nuts....ahahahhaha that never gets old. Just like the old "pretend to shake someones hand and slick back the hair" trick.

I bought a few new cds the past few weeks and I figured I'd give a quick review of sorts. If you only listen to music played on the local pop station chances are you should stop reading this now.

1. Emery - "While Broken Hearts Prevail ...In Shallow Seas We Sail"

I absolutely loved Emery's first album "The Weak End". Everything since then has just been ok. I mean its Emery but it all sounds the same. In short - this band is like a waffle. The first few bites are amazing but about halfway through its a mushy, soggy mess and you are really wishing you had ordered the omelet.

2. The Mars Volta - "Octahedron"

By the title of the album you would think that this is the El Paso band's 8th album - but in reality it is their 5th. A little softer and more acoustic sound this time around from the typically frantic prog rock band. While the sound is a little different this time, there is no mistaking the vocal range of Cedric Bixler-Zavala who could really teach that Adam Lambert (American Idol) a thing or two about how not to try so hard when hitting the high notes.

At any rate - Octahedron is top notch work and I would recommend it to anyone who is looking to step outside of the usual bland everyday rock music. It did take 2 listens though for me to "get it" because I was expecting something else.

Remember - People don't make the music - the music makes the people. I think I just coined that phrase.

Not to be confused with Leia

For some reason today I was thinking about words or phrases that I would really like to bring back into "style". These were all a mainstays in my vocabulary about 15 years ago and I suggest that we all begin using them again.

1) Psyche

2) Pshaw (pronounced 'SHAW' for those of you who werent cool in 1995)

3) Radi-cool. Not to be confused with radical. Actually I think I made that one up.

Ok - on to the real topic of the day. This topic is recycled but I still find it relevant.

Attention Princesses

"Hi my name is Becky and I like shopping, Gucci and guys who really care about me. I am sick of guys only wanting me for my looks. My favorite color is pink, I carry my dog Riley around the mall in his special doggy carry case (in his Burberry collar of course) I am a princess and deserve to be treated like one"

Sound familiar? It should...it seems like every girl I meet nowadays has this as her mantra. My history might be wrong but can you just call yourself a princess? I thought you had to be of royalty..well lets see what dictionary.com says.

A woman member of a royal family other than the monarch, especially a daughter of a monarch.

A woman who is a ruler of a principality.

A woman who is a hereditary ruler; a queen.

A noblewoman of varying status or rank.

The wife of a prince.

Hmm...seems like the incidence of these types of ladies would be quite rare. But somehow when I type "princess" into Myspace the search returns over 50 pages of girls who have bestowed this "crown" upon themselves. While these lovely ladies may be trying to be different, what they are actually doing is lumping themself into a category that is already full. Adding yourself to this category is really only making yourself fit in to a stereotype.

Thus..purchasing a 5 dollar crown from walmart and placing it atop your pretty blonde (or brown whatever) hair does not make you a princess, nor does it make guys want to have anything to do with you. Making your myspace pink and glitter filled does not make you a princess either. You are not in a cartoon, you do not have 3 ugly step sisters who make you clean the floor.

You are not a princess.

Thank you.

Much love,

King Jonathan

What does burboun chicken have in common with Salt N Peppa?

I am up to 7 followers now - watch out Ashton Kutcher.

I went to the mall tonight for a minute, JoLee wanted to check on a shirt at Urban Outfitters. One thing I noticed while I was there is that all of the 9 styles of Obama t-shirts are half off now. Only 7 months into your first term and retail is already bailing on you dude! There should be a daily indicator on CNN that measures the profit margin of Obama merchandise. Now there is a true indication of his popularity. "The profit margin on Obama merchandise fell drastically today as he waited yet another day to make a statement on the situation in Iran"

Anyway, on to the real purpose of this - Chicken Pushers.

Chicken Pushers you ask?

Yes - Chicken Pushers. Those overly aggressive and typically Asian folk who work at one of the 4 identical Chinese food places in the mall. The ones who try to "push" a poultry laced toothpick down your throat every time you walk by.

Are these people on commission? Do they get a cut out of each 3.99 chicken special they sell? Do they not realize that the phrase "Try sample" isn't grammatically correct?

Ok. Ok. Maybe I am being a little harsh; they ARE just doing their jobs. But here is where I draw the line.......

Why would anyone (poultry commission check or not) offer me a chicken sample when I am carrying a Subway bag? I have clearly already made my dining decision and its HIGHLY unlikely that I am going to be swayed at this point to return a sandwich.

My suggestion to the chicken pushers around the world: Keep on pushing, sell that chicken, make your commission, but just do a better job of identifying your target audience. You don't sell ipods to people who already have ipods, you don't sell flip flops to an Eskimo and you don't sell bourbon chicken to a dude with a Subway sack.

Salt N Peppa take it home.....

Remembering MJ - sorta

You guys ever think that no matter what you do - its never good enough?

I dont. That would suck. I think I am pretty much awesome at everything. haha jk. I have been pretty bad at blogging "everyday" like I said. But I mean who can do something EVERY day -blogging, working out, brushing your teeth - pssht impossible.

Anyway, I am going to try to get back on the daily track. I wanted to write about the Confederations Cup final over the weekend but I left my notes at work. So instead I am going to talk about Michael Jackson.

Yeah Yeah - I know everyone is tired of hearing about him but give me a few paragraphs before you go back to watching TMZ (where youll probably hear about MJ anyway).

Alot has been said the last few days about the two ways MJ will be remembered.

1) A musical icon who has and will continue to influence many artists

2) A freak show accused child molestor whos face you could dip a frito in

On example of this debate took place at a church in South Atlanta. Reverend Al Sharpton was speaking to the congregation about how the media has labeled MJ as a freak, molestor, yadda yadda. Ok. First off, why is this being discussed at church? There is no 2nd point I want to make here so Ill make the first one again. Really Michael Jackson at church?

Anyway, as long as I have been aware of MJ - he has been a joke. My first taste of him was when I heard "Fat" by Weird Al. Great song by the way - same album as "My Bologna" (My Sharona) and "The White Stuff" (NKOTB - The Right Stuff). Thanks to Tyson for introducing me to that cd. I'm not sure when I actually realized just how big MJ was - maybe when I saw the video for "Black or White" or when I saw him perform at halftime of one of the Cowboys superbowl victories (remember when the Bills lost 4 superbowls in a row? haha Thurman Thomas).

Anyway, to me and I'm sure to a lot of people my age, MJ was always just an artist that people made fun of and didnt take seriously. I think people 10 years older than me really truly understood what an icon this guy was and just how influential he has been.

It wasnt until I watched alot of the coverage over the weekend that I really started to get a feel for what those previous generations saw. It made wonder who else in my life (celebrity or not) am I over looking right now?Who did I ignore today that might not be there tomorrow? This is kind of skewed from what I usually write about but I think the thought process I went through with MJ over the weekend in some weird twisted way made me stop and think about those important people in my life that I might taking for granted or not appreciating like I should.

I suggest you all do the same because last week at this time MJ was just some freakazoid that everyone made fun of and now he is gone and will be known as the most influential R&B artist of all time. You never know who you looked over today that might not be there next week.

Wow - that was a downer wasnt it? Sorry about that. To cheer you up here is a video. I used to play this song on repeat when I closed down the store at Express. I'm pretty sure people hated me for a few weeks and someday I'll be gone and theyll miss this song.

Random Facts - Repost

I have work to do tonight so no original thoughts. Maybe some of you havent seen this.

1. JoLee didn’t want me to do this.

2. I want a sleeve tattoo.

3. Sometimes I get the urge to punch old people in the back of the head.

4. I feel very blessed to have had the opportunity to get an MBA – but sometimes I feel like it has hampered my ability to think creatively.

5. I think the TV show Intervention is a perfect example of the law of diminishing marginal utility. Watching people ruin their lives with drugs is only interesting the first season.

6. I miss my family and want to move back to Texas someday.

7. I genuinely think I am a good rapper.

8. When its time for me to have kids I want to name my boy Jack.

9. I know how lucky I am to be with JoLee.

10. Cheaters is one of the greatest television show concepts of all time – whether it’s fake or not.

11. Sometimes I think I’m fat.

12. I have never actually been satisfied with my hair for more than a few days.

13. I think I can run as fast now as I used to.

14. I don’t shower everyday and I don’t think there is anything wrong with it.

15. I think MTV is the cause of everything wrong with the world. But I still watch it sometimes.

16. I hate monopoly. Nothing should take 9 hours.

17. Jesus Christ is my lord and savior.

18. I hope someday I can read all of the books I buy.

19. I like to talk about naming pets after humans – right now my favorites are Kevin and Sharon. But I don’t like the thought of actually having pets.

20. I was never able to use a Slip N Slide because my pelvic bones stick out funny.

21. I don’t drink. Not because I think its bad or because I’m not supposed to but because I think alcohol tastes like Windex.

22. I plan on wearing Converse to my funeral. I dare you to name a clothing brand that has had a longer significance in pop culture than Converse.

23. If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it.

24. I think the space program is a gigantic waste of money.

25. My dream job is to be the backup punter on an NFL team.

Rationale for Anorexia

Wow it has been a while since I posted on here. So much for the whole "I'm going to post everyday" theory. Delusions of grandeur I'm sure.

Anyways - part of the reason I haven't posted in a while is probably because I have been ASLEEP. Why have I been so tired lately? Working long hours? - maybe. Working out a lot? - doubtful. Attempting to eradicate an addictive and deadly (exaggeration) chemical from my body? Absolutely.

To all of you who just gasped at the thought that I (Jonathan McAdams) could have an addiction, its time I came clean. I am (was) a heroin addict. You didn't think I was this thin naturally did you?

I started injecting back when I was in college. My addiction slowly built until I was spending nearly $300 dollars a day...

Ok not really.

I don't mean to mock addiction, its a serious matter that ruins thousands of lives. The thing I was addicted to was caffeine. For years I had been drinking 2 or 3 sodas per day. Not only is this bad for my health but it can also be massively expensive. Coke didn't become one of the world's largest corporations ($32B in revenue 2009) through its Dasani flavored water sales.

I had tried to get off the "juice" many times but always fell back into the arms of the sweet nectar. But this time I really think I'm going to beat this thing! Its been right about 3 weeks and aside from a Sprite at the movies I have been doing pretty good. In honor of my 3 week anniversary I am going to do a quick financial analysis of the savings I will see by cutting out the sodas.

Lets assume my daily consumption rate was 2.5 sodas. Some days I only had 1 and others times I went bonkers (remember that candy from when we were kids?) and had 5. That would make my weekly intake 17.5 units.

Now lets look at cost per unit - out of the 17.5 cokes per week I would say that about half were purchased at a restaurant or out of a vending machine. I'd say the average cost there is $2.00.

The other half would be purchased at the store in a 12 pack - around .33 cents each.

This makes my average $1.17 per soda or $20.50 per week.

$82.00 per month

$1066 per year - for the sake of argument lets say $1,000

I'm 28 now - assuming I live another 50 years I will save $50K just by not drinking soda!!! Amazing - thats like 3 Kias!

So what does all of this have to do with anorexia?

Imagine how much money you could save if you stopped eating all together. I'll let you know how that works out.

Smellevator

Hey.

Quick story before I get into the actual meat (soy meat - if you are a vegan) of my post today. I work in a large building and using the elevator is a daily routine.

You know sometimes when you get on an elevator and there is an unusual smell of some sort? Could be perfume, poop, an Indian guy smell, popcorn, burned cheese, armpit - the list could go on and on. Anyway, I got into an empty elevator today that smelled like a mix between Charles Barkely's feet and a 9 month old banana. Two floors later, the elevator stops and a lady gets on. About 10 seconds later after her nose adjusts she looks at me and gives me a look that said "shame on you, you smelly rotten banana smuggling child". SHE THOUGHT IT IT WAS ME!!! I wonder how many times a day this scenario happens?

Whatever, she smelled like my grandma anyway.

I'll do the other one tomorrow I guess.

I Dont Eat Lunch to Polish my Math Skills

Let me describe for you what has become a far too common situation.

The scene: Any fine dining establishment (doesnt really have to be "fine", I just like saying that)

The cast: A group of friends (5 or more) enjoying a meal and fellowship.

Now that you get a general feel for atmosphere I will move right on to the problem.

WHY DOESNT THE WAITER AUTOMATICALLY SPLIT THE FREAKIN CHECK???

If any of you are waiters or have been waiters please chime in here and put me in my place if I'm wrong but below is a list of reasons why the waiter should automatically split the check.

• YOU are serving ME. Why put a bad taste in my mouth right before I'm about to decide how much to tip you?



• It should be part of the service. If I wanted to do a restaurant related word problem I would go back to 2nd grade.



• People cant add. No matter how smart the 9 people at the table are, for whatever reason when forced to split the check on our own - we turn into 7 year olds who havent mastered simple addition.



• When people cant add - 1 of 2 things happens.

1) Somehow the advanced mathematicians that I mentioned above forget to add the tax in when separating the items and some poor shmuck at the end of the table gets stuck with an extra $50

2) The waiter gets screwed. Ive seen it happen plenty of times. The frustrated crowd rebels against the oppressive, no check splitting waiter by not leaving a tip.

Oh - and dont give me some sob story about "our computers wont do that". Computer programs allow people to navigate space, build skyscrapers and diagnose diseases. I'm pretty sure your computer can figure out how to correctly allocate my orange juice.

High School Reunion!

I said "Reunion" not "Musical" if you are looking for Zack Effron this isnt the place. Ok fine it is the place.

Anyway.

The fact that my 10 year high school reunion is this weekend got me thinking (more on that in a minute).

No, I am not going to my 10 year reunion. I thought about going, I really did. The one "You really should go" reason was the fact that I didnt want to look back and wish I had gone. Ultimately though, most of my close friends (all 3 of them - yes I was really popular) werent going and while it would be interesting to see everyone; Facebook and Myspace have ruined the "I cant believe how fat so and so has gotten" and "Wow, she hasnt aged a bit" surprises that 10 year reunions have historically been known for. No longer can I rent a Ferrari, pretend to have invented post-its and fool people into thinking I am someone Im not. My info is posted all over multiple social networking sites. Everyone knows what they want to know about me - if they want to know anything at all.

Sidenote: Though I am not going - I want to give mega-props to the three ladies who planned ours. They did a fantastic job of communicating and giving everyone enough time to plan. (Did I just say mega-props? I think thats a character from the new Transformers movie)

I dont mean to dissuade anyone from going to their own reunions - but I do encourage you to count the number of times a conversation with someone goes like this:

You: Hey there Sandy.

Sandy: Oh hey!

You: So what have you been up to?

Sandy: Oh Ive just been working (insert inflated description of what she really does here). What about you?

You: Well - I'm married and have (however many) kids.

Sandy: Oh wow thats great. Hey remember (Insert memory of some class you had together here)

You: Yeah - that was great.

You and Sandy simultaneously: Well it was great to see you. (Fake side hug)

In all seriousness - you know you dont care about Sandy and I'm sure the feeling is mutual.

This was supposed to be a post about music - but I can do that later.

What the truck?

Some of you may know this about me but many may not. I am an equal opportunity feedback giver. What does that mean?

Mainly it means that I tend to give positive feedback just as much as I tend to give negative feedback. For example: You know on the back of trucks where it says "Safety is my goal - please call 1-888-safe-now" or whatever?

I often times call those numbers to report good drivers. Some people think thats weird but I think its easy to call the number when someone cuts you off.

Anyway - I was following a truck home from work today for about 3 miles. It was driving the speed limit, stopping at all lights and stop signs and I thought he deserved some positive feedback!

But as soon as I was on the phone with the operator the truck ran a redlight. "Uhh..nevermind" I said.

Can I get my cell phone minutes back?

The Great Cereal Box Debate (repost)

Couldnt think of anything good today and I am sleepy so I'm reposting one of my favorites from a while back. My friend Chad asked me to figure out the best way to open a cereal box. The very scientific results are below.

Recently I was asked to do some research and determine which method was best for opening a cereal bag. (Just for clarification, I am talking about the bag inside the box--not the giant bag that sits on the bottom shelf feeling lonely).

So my options were as follows:
1) Open the entire bag for "maximum flow"
2) Open only a corner of the bag for "increased flow control"

Suddenly it sounds like I am blogging about Maxipads.

Anyway. I did some research IE: playing with cereal for about 10 minutes.

Ok. So I obtained a box of cereal (flake variety) and began with the "one corner technique". Here is a brief cost benefit analysis on this method.

Benefits:
1) As previously mentioned, cereal flow was under control, my aim remained steady and I was able to adequately pour the desired amount into my bowl.
2) I was able to successfully close the bag with a neat fold and had no worries about the cereal being stale the next time I wanted some.
Costs:
1) Compared to the "wide open" method, this approach did in fact take more time. I estimate this time to be approximately 3 seconds per bowl. 3 seconds is no big deal you say? Well, assuming an average person eats 1 bowl of cereal 4 out of 7 days (this is a modest estimate I think) this person would lose 12 seconds per week. No big deal you say? Well over an average cereal eating lifetime-- age 8 to 77-- (I assume that under the age of 8 someone else is pouring the cereal and 77 is a fairly universally used life expectancy) a cereal eater could waste nearly 12 hours of his/her life pouring cereal. Seriously, I did the math twice. Thats alot of pouring.

Ok now for the "Let it fly bag wide open method"
Benefits:
1) As I mentioned above, this method is much quicker and could save you alot of time over your life.
2) I found it much easier to open the entire bag vs just the corner.

Costs:
1) While this method did allow me to fill my bowl quicker, I did lose a few flakes onto the counter while doing so. In each trial between 5 and 7 flakes found thier way out of the edible realm. Again using the same assumptions, this calculates out to losing between 20 and 28 flakes per week. Over the same predefined cereal pouring span, this equates to 71,760 to 100,464 flakes. What does that mean? Well I counted a serving of cereal and based on my calculations each box contains around 2000 flakes. If this estimate is accurate, by using the "all the way open" method. You would waste 35 to 50 boxes of cereal over your lifetime.

Ok, so you've seen the numbers and to me this argument comes down to what is more important -- time or money. Usually, I think time is more important but in this case I have to chose the "one corner" method simply based on the fact that excluding inflation the open mouth version would cost me between $140 and $200 over the course of my life. This could be in a 401k or something.

Please keep in mind that my experiment was done with flake cereal, O style cereal with marshmallows or whatever may have different numerical results but I assume the overall theme would carry over.

So in conclusion, in my opinion, the more frugal method that enables increased flow control is better over the long run. If you are in such a big hurry when pouring cereal that you cant spare 3 seconds you need to wake up earlier.

Converse-ation

Take a look at the pictures above what do they all have in common? (no its not people I wish I could be when I grow up) Its all about the shoes.

Personally have 4 pair of Converse (some call them Chucks, I call them Converse"). To me there is really no question as to what shoes to wear. They have become the staple to pretty much everything I wear (except my work clothes - cant quite get away with that yet).

The other day I was trying to think about whether or not there has EVER been an article of clothing that has been relevant in pop culture as long as the "Chuck". So I did some research and found out that since the first pair was made in 1917 (I didnt even know shoes were invented at that point) that the Converse is the most popular shoe of all time with over 750 million pair sold.

This leads me answer of my question above: No - there has never been an article of clothing that has lasted as long or made as big of an impact as the "Chuck". Now I could go on and bore you with statistics and the history of the shoe but instead I challenge you to think of something I didnt consider.

What else can be put into this category? (dont say underwear)

Just in case you forgot that time I was in a fake commercial

Here it is again - Thanks JC.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ismkISZ_AbI&feature=related

Real blog tomorrow - topic - the life of the converse shoe.

Lego my earrings

Feeling a little lazy today so today I am going to promote something I saw over the weekend instead of coming up with an original thought.   If you are anything like me Lego played a crucial part in your childhood.  I still remember spending hours upon hours putting together my massaive Lego ICE compound - those were the times.  But then Lego added the Technix line (you know, the ones with rubberbands and gears).  I hated this line because my 12 year old fingers werent yet nimble enough to manuever the complex peices - usually I ended up throwing them against a wall.

Anyhow - over the weekend I stumbled on a jewelry designer who uses Lego in some of her peices.

I dont wear jewelry but this is really pretty awesome. 

http://www.jacquelinesanchez.com/groupings/Forever-Young.asp

Cereal boxes shouldn't hang out with ice cream

Much like the value of a dollar, the sanctity of marriage and Donald Trump's hairline - grocery store bagging standards are not what they used to be.

Back in the olden days (1996) when I was a well trained bagger at the Albertson's on Glade Road - bagging standards were my LIFE! Well, bagging standards and smooshing the fruit of rude customers.

The managers at this store made it their goal to ensure that there were at least 8 items per bag and that we perfectly "cubed out" each one. I distinctly remember other grocery stores doing the same.

Here were the 3 golden rules:

1) Never put soap or cleaning products with food

2) Never put frozen food with cardboard boxes that may get soggy

3) ALWAYS PUT THE BREAD WHERE IT WONT GET SMASHED!

You’d think this would be common sense, but it seems like now these ill trained buffoons simply stuff whatever comes down the conveyor into the bag and throw it in the cart. Last week at Kroger I probably bought around 50 items and (no kidding) probably had 30 bags. Absolutely unacceptable item to bag ratio!

I have even started strategically emptying out my cart so that all of the frozens will be together, all of the fruits/vegetables will be together and so forth. Sometimes they still manage to put the frozen dinners on top of the granola bars.

No real point to this other than someone bet me that I couldn't somehow link Donald Trump to frozen dinners.

Memorial Day 2009

I forgot to do this yesterday so I'll try to do 2 today.

For those of you who always expect a sarcastic rant or ironic humor in my writing you may not like this one.

I just want to remind everyone to take a few minutes this long weekend while you are cooking out, relaxing and otherwise having a good time to think about why we have memorial day. Let's remember all of the soldiers who have passed over the 200+ years of our country.

No matter your political affiliation, you cant deny that we are free today because of those folks who have laid their lives on the line for us. I personally don't have anyone close to me that is currently overseas but I know many of you probably do.

Take some time this weekend to say an extra prayer that they get back home safely so that in the years to come they can celebrate with us.

Leadership starts with Steve and ends with Comcast

The font on this thing bugs me.  Is there anyway to set it so that I dont have to change it everytime?

You may or may not know this but I go to a Bible study type small group every Wednesday night.  Tonight we had a special guest, Ray Sluk, a successful business man who above all else is a Christian and lives his life based on the principle of right vs wrong.  It was a very relevant discussion as he discussed the daily struggles that go on in a corporate environment (doing the right thing vs doing what could help your career at that moment).  

At any rate, he discussed how he has had to make many difficult decisions over his career and how no matter the consequences, he felt satisfied that his decision was based in Christ.  

He currently does leadership training and has an an acronym called STEVE.  The underlying theme is that being selfless, building trust, having endurance and using vision to see people's underlying motivations will help you to become a better leader.  Pairing this methodology with the principal of simply doing what is right is his formula for success. 

How has this effected me already?  I think I should probably start paying for cable now.  

Darn it STEVE thanks for the guilt trip!

Hot Dogs and Hard Labor - Welcome to IKEA

If any of you are like me, you have a love/hate relationship with IKEA

I have broken an average trip to IKEA into 3 phases and listed some quotes you might hear in each phase. 

Phase 1 - Excitement phase

"I cant wait to get my new "insert new furniture name here" home."

"Wow, this furniture is so trendy, its like something you would see in an upscale shop"

"These prices are tremendous, I cant believe a whole bedroom set can be under $1000 bucks!"

"They are really smart to have hotdogs, pizza and cinnamon buns for customers to purchase, and they taste pretty good too."

Phase 2 - Holy crap I have to load this in my compact car phase

"What was I thinking? There is no way this is going to fit."

"Why dont they have shopping bags?"

"Maybe if I scoot my seat all the way up and hold the steering wheel with my teeth...."

"Did I get the right hinge for the door?"

"Why is this so heavy? and why doesnt anyone work here?"

Phase 3 - Directions and free time are overrated anyway

"Can these directions be any more vague? Is the cartoon man with the big nose holding a screwdriver or a machine gun? Did this package come with the machine gun or did I have to buy it separately?"

"I shouldnt have eaten 3 hotdogs before all this heavy lifting"

"Is it bedtime already? I just now mastered lining up the holes, holding the door and twisting the allen wrench at the same time."

Jonny Mac Blog Attack

So I have decided to try to do a daily blog ("try" being the keyword there). 

The real reason behind me doing this is the fact that I dont think there are enough blogs out there already.  

I hope that I get millions of readers so I can get paid for advertising space.

"Where we're going - we dont need roads" 

PS - I take requests.